Rant on todays parents

So a nearby school district has fired an Art Teacher. Apparently she took her students on a school approved trip to the Dallas Museum of Art and the children saw a nude statue. Some parents raised holy hell and she is out on her ass.

Mind you, the district approved the trip, parents signed permission slips - I don't see the issue. Instead of having a talk with a 10 year old about the possibility of seeing a nude and how to appropriately behave in that situation, they scream and cry and point fingers at the teacher.

As a childfree adult, I have noticed a huge shift in the last 5 years in regards to parenting trends. Almost everything is geared towards protecting children, keeping them safe, etc. I live in a suburb with a very low crime rate, good schools, mostly upper middle class soccer mom type of household. Everyday these moms line up on the street outside of the schools for 30 minutes or more waiting to pick up their kids. Yes, they block the street completely and run their vehicles. Talk about a waste.

These people pay very high school taxes and feel entitled to complain about everything to do with the school. If they feel their child is being wronged or a situation isn't being dealt with to their satisfaction they yank the kids out and home school them. I know several people who have done this because their child wasn't recognized as a genius or the school didn't understand that Billy is an active child or whatever their reasoning is. I wonder how long the home schooling trend will continue.

It's amazing. I understand their fear about weirdos, perverts, etc but a mom I somewhat know told me her kids do not leave her sight - ever!!! I fear for this generation of coddled kids. When will they be able to make mistakes to learn from? When will they learn self reliance and gain independence? Will these parents continue to schedule kids every waking minute until they go to college?

I guess only time will tell. Wait about 6-10 years and we'll see if these kids can fend for themselves or if they will just implode when given a little bit of freedom.

I'm not even going to delve into a sub-rant about the ridiculous puritanical evangelical thought process of the majority of my area. Only in America would a statue of a nude human cause an uproar and a teacher to lose her job.

Goodbye to Dad

Dad's memorial service was Monday June 26. It was a beautiful service. We had a table with lots of photos, Dad as a kid to an adult. We had his High School diploma, his personalized license plate from the mustang, his wedding photo album and so much more.

Judy read the Eulogy. We gave her some of our thoughts and memories, and she wove them together in an amazing way. She brought tears and even laughter to all us when she said that Dad thought a "well, hell!" took care of most frustrations. That was his favorite phrase, and she sounded just like him. Her husband Mark did a scripture reading and Father Lough did a fine job of remembering the soul of a gentle man whom he did not know personally, but understood that he was a fine man with faith, just not a churchgoer.

Dad's ashes were placed in his plot next to his wife. In a few months, when the pain is not so close to the surface, we plan on having a memorial dinner at our favorite restuarant Old Germany, and having a glass of wine in his honor.

I love you Dad, and we miss you terribly.

Update Part IV

Wednesday June 21 - summer solstice

G spends most of the morning with Dad. Dad is now not responsive to us. His eyes are open and track back and forth, not focusing on anything. His breathing is fast and shallow. Nurse tells us that is common, especially with liver disease. He can still hear us, but not see us. He is no longer feeling hot or cold, or bodily function needs. I feel that today is the day. M does not, she plans on making dinner for us tonight. We have been eating fast food for the past few days, and not on a regular basis. I think she knows that this is it, but cannot admit it to herself.

Friends visit briefly and leave. The hospice nurse arrives around 5 and tell us the shallow breathing is a dying process. I can't remember the name for it. She tells us he is "actively dying" and that there will be a nurse by his side from now until the end. We don't ask if she has a timeline for us. It's me and G, M and her hubby and Cousing Judy. We are around his bedside, holding his hand, I'm stroking his forehead. The nurse leaves to call the Dr for a morphine Rx to help relax the breathing. His breathing slows down, I run down the hall to her. She just finished talking to the pharmacy, they will deliver the morphine. We return and his breathing just slows down, with each breath taking a little longer than the one before it.

I sit on G's lap, he's sobbing. M is sobbing, knealing by the bed with her head on it. C is trying to comfort her. Judy is on the other side of the bed, rubbing Dad's back. I'm crying, but trying so hard to be brave for everyone. I keep saying "we love you Dad, we love you, its OK" over and over.

His breathing slows, and right before he took his last breath, his eyes focused on the wall behind me, he smiled, and died.

I know that he saw Carolyn waiting for him. Nothing will ever make me doubt that belief.


And then I have a mild panic attack. I left the room, went to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. My legs were rubbery, and I couldn't make myself go back in the room. He wasn't there anymore, he left with his wife. I saw them leave together

Update Part III

Tuesday June 20

Dad was a little more responsive, and he let us know he was thirsty so we gave him water using a straw, like you do with babies. G stayed with him a long time and just gave him water over and over. It wasn't a lot, maybe an ounce or two total. but more than he took the last 3 days combined.

We all discussed about how the dying often rally for a short time, communicating where they couldn't before, right before the end. It was apparent that this was the case.

I made sure that all of the immediate family members had time alone with him on Tuesday, to say whatever they wanted to say or just spend quiet time with him.

I told him that I loved him very much, that he was my Dad too. I thanked him for welcoming me into his family from the first time I met him. I thanked him and his wife for raising such an amazing man that I call husband. I told him that it was OK to go, OK to meet up with his wife, who was surely waiting for him. I told him we would watch out for his grandson, our nephew. I told him we loved him, and we would be OK.

Update Part II

M is visitng every other day or so, doing his laundry, etc. Everything seems to be OK status quo.

We drive up on June 17 for Fathers Day weekend. On Saturday the 17th Dad is not real responsive, tired, wants to sleep. He told the nurses his stomach was upset, and they told us there had been a stomach virus going round the home. We visit a few times that day, the center is mere blocks from M's house. He is sleeping a lot, but able to open his eyes and say "hi"

The next day, June 18 Father's Day he is not really responsive. His vitals are OK, its like he's drawing inward. He's not eating or drinking at all. Again we visit a few times, and the 3 of us kids talk about what we should do next. During a visit in the early afternoon, a nurse recommends that we place him under hospice care. This would mean he would have a visiting hospice nurse to coordinate his care, in addition to the center's nurses. They would take charge of his meds, drs visits, etc. This sounded agreeable to us, so we signed the paperwork. M wanted to know about the mechanics of dying, and the steps involved. At that point I had to step out of the office and have a good cry. The fact that he has stopped taking in nourishment is a sign that he is ready to go, but we're told it can take up to 2 weeks if he continues to refuse food and water.

By this time it was almost 5pm, and facing a 2.5 hour drive home we opted to spend the night and drive back in the morning. SO thankful we made that decision. M called Dad's former lady friend who he had not spoken with in a few years and told her. She decided to visit Dad the next day.

On Monday June 19 about 8:30 am the center called us and said the Hospice Nurse was there and wanted to discuss Dad's case with us. Rushed to the center, and she started talking but all I heard was buzzing. She started talking about the mechanics of dying again. I stopped her and asked when she thought the process would start and she informed me very gently that it had already started. Apparently that is what she was saying, I just couldn't comprehend it.

Cousin Judy was there, and such a support to us, even in her own grief. Dad's friend visited him, and he was a little agitated, but the hospice nurse stayed with them to make sure he wasn't too upset.

Monday was spent making phone calls, talking to family, Dad's friends,etc. I really don't recall much. G and I stayed at the nursing home until about 11pm.

Dad was in a double room, and the center staff were wonderful. They moved his roommate to another room so we had privacy. They brought in extra chairs and a couch for us.

Update to everything

Well, things got crazy, and then I was just avoiding the blog because I simply didn't know how to update and catch up - not that I really wanted to anyways.

We placed Dad in a really nice facility in May. Not approved by his insurance, so we agreed to use his assets to cover the steep cost. A few weeks after that, M called me crying that Dad was being rushed to the hospital - his vital signs were really weak, and the paramedic said he was dying as his heart rate was in the 30's.

Garrick rushed from work, I was at work trying to stay calm and make a list of things to do to center myself. I went home, started throwing clothes in the suitcase, etc when Garrick called and said the ER dr said he had a massive infection, but they didn't feel he was in danger of losing his life at that point.

I drove up the next day, and we spent most of the weekend at the hospital. He was so thin, and somewhat coherent. I was really concerned that he had a small stroke. Two days before M had dinner with him at the nursing home and he was speaking clearly, eating fine, etc. Now, he had difficulty swallowing even water, and the hospital had him on a pureed diet. Also the left side of his face was not symetrical to the right - classic stroke symptoms. I spoke to a nurse,and expld that he was normal just a few days ago - she was under the impression that he had been on pureed foods for some time.

Anyways, we never saw a Dr that whole weekend, just nurses. We never did feel satisfied that they even addressed the posibility of a stroke. Dad was in the hospital for about a week and then was discharged to the nursing home, where he was able to eat regular food again.

X-Men 3

We saw X-Men 3 today. I love the XMen, and this movie did not disappoint! Lots of surprises and a few plot twists that I didn't see coming.

Kelsey Grammer was wonderful as Beast, Storm takes on a new leadership role and Wolverine...well Wolverine kicks ass as usual.

Went to the new Harkins Cine Capri in Southlake - easily the nicest theater I've been too. I loved Harkins when we lived in AZ, so glad they're here! The Cine Capri is the largest screen in Texas - bigger than Imax even. Buy the souvenir cup for $4 - you get $1 refills all year long.